Saturday, May 7, 2011

I seriously think they need to check the water supply for testosterone

Last night was ridiculas. If last Friday night seemed strange…. This Friday was worse. I was supposed to work at kohl’s 2-10:30 and my ex said that he was going to come in and buy a mother’s day gift for his mom. 7 no show so I thought he might come in closer to when I get off work. 10 no show; 10:30 no show. So I figured he was outside waiting for me I go outside- nothing. So I go home thinking he might be there nothing. So I call him, no answer. So I decide I’m pissed and hurt and I’m done. It seems like every time I decide to give him a chance fate tells me to think again… so he call and is like “whats wrong? Why did u call?” because u had places to be and he was like “what? I didn’t have anything tonight….uh oh” yeah bitch forgot about me.
And In the other corner. I have this friend from high school john. And I think were only friends because he’s madly in love with my neighbor. He’s been tutoring her in math and I have been trying to wingman for him. Helping him with his style, hygiene, manors. And also hanging out with her planting ideas in her mind. My own version of inception. His sounds like things should be perfect but she’s kinda a user. Long story short after she passed math she was done with him. And when he’s not into her, he’s into me.  That’s so awkward how can u be asking ur friend how to pursue someone and when that doesn’t work your like well were just going to date. I’m not anyone’s sloppy seconds. Anyways… last night he was texting me while he was D-Ding like usual. And then I get a random text about him wanting to meet singles. And I’m like umm k. the text wasnt for me but then he decides to tell me that he wants to get laid because he’s in the military and he doesn’t know what going to happen (dying) etc. understandable I guess. So then he starts asking me how are things with “doucher” and “stalker” over and over.  hi yeah we are not going to date or fuck. Just get me out of your mind.
Then my ex wants to go out for slushies so we go to sonic and its closed so we go to the gas station and get slushies and nachos and he starts complaining about guys hitting on me like the guy in our Spanish class today. Blah blah blah. Anyways we go back to my house and were just watching TV like normal and he offers to give me a backrub so I let him then he tries to hook up with me. NOT COOL. So then he stops. I fall asleep. And wake up and he’s sleeping on the floor next to the couch. And when I wake him up he can’t believe I tell him to go home. He’s like why I thought I was going to sleep here. WHY WOULD HE THINK THAT!!!!!!
So in conclusion. I think that there might be hormones in the water and guys are acting insane. This is worse than a zombie apocalypse. At least if you get bitten by a zombie you can just turn into one. And just roll with it. Or just shoot the zombie in the head. If you get bitten by a horny boy you might end up raising a zombie for the next 18 years. I’m building a fortress against men. And investing in anti-pheromone soap.

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